"Don't Take Life Sitting Down"

The Go Girl. If you live in Romania, you’ll love it. Are you tired of paying 1 Leu to use a Turkish toilet that you just can’t seem to master? Sick of verifying that your tetanus shot is up to date before using the train toilet? Fed up with that desire to emerge yourself into a large vat of antibacterial hand sanitizer after using those rare existing public bathrooms? Well fret no more; you too can now pee standing up! Why let the boys and drunks have all the fun? Get a Go Girl and make your dreams of playing swords and watering nature’s landscape come true!

http://www.go-girl.com/

As a lucky recipient of a Go Girl (thanks to my Godmother), I can’t wait to make an impact or shall I say, a release, in my squatting style. Thus far, I’ve performed the recommended practice round in the privacy of my home. However, I think I might do it again…perhaps it feels a little more natural the second time. When I went for the prerequisite practice round, I hesitated a moment as I faced the toilet standing up…”so, do I lift the toilet seat?” I shrug my shoulders and figure it would probably be for the best. Now…”what do I do with my pants?” I reluctantly pushed them along with my underwear down to the ground. Next… I lifted the coned apparatus to my lady bits hoping to find that so called suction I read about in the directions. No such luck; the suction does NOT exist. This is definitely a two handed job. No longer able to contain my full bladder, I began the flow and drained my lizard (something I’ve always wanted to say.) “Hmmm,” I thought,” this isn’t too bad.” Maybe next time I won’t wait until urination nation is inside my body, for the Go Girl appeared to be having a little difficulty keeping up with the flow of things. Otherwise, it was a success. Once I figure out how to push my clothing aside (rather than to my ankles) as suggested, I’ll be ready to go public. After washing up and heading into my room, I caught a glance of my reflection in the mirror. What in Sam’s hell? How in the world did that large wet spot get on the back of my pants? As I changed clothing, I replayed the entire situation in my mind. Where did I go wrong? Why do all the drunks have their wet spots on the front? Maybe I should seek counsel; who better than Grandma? She raised 5 boys! She’s bound to know! Until then, I will continue the Moving Hover Craft Method for trains and the Annie Oakley: Roll & Shoot for Turkish times.